The New Boredom

I’ve had a headache every day I’ve been on this trip so far. I think it’s because the mountain dew in canada doesn’t have caffeine. it tastes better because it uses real sugar, not HFCS. but what’s the point? i need my drugs. headache in about 4 hours from now. just in time to walk to the course.

this is the biggest girder i’ve ever seen outside of a structure. it was like 13 cars long and killing people left and right.

Insert girder for bending.

and this is a nice michigan sunset. they had waterless urinals and high efficiency lighting in this stop. that’s pretty dope. well done michigan.

big light tower really makes the shot.

and i think this might be the inside of my pocket… or something like that, the camera just went off and i have no idea what this is. but i like it.

art. it's art.

more to come later today- real bike stuff. maybe a bike check. those seem popular and useless in bmx right now. maybe they could be popular and useless in DH too? or more course snaps.

Photo update from Bromont. The Bro-est place in Quebec. Spent the whole day at the water park which was packed with chubby canadian kids on summer break. There was as much chemical-y pee in the water as there was water. I left with a headache and a thinner wallet but it was still a nice day off.

We’re staying in lovely Granby… a city that looks like a bad xerox of everything touristy and bad about america. plus it’s 15 minutes of driving away from bromont mountain which doesnt look much like a mountain while you’re driving in:

that little hill. world cup. believe it. it's actually really good.

The 4x track is looking DOPE. it looks like mountian biking, not big-wheeled bmx.

this feature is super cool. I’m waiting to see how they gate it but i’m guessing there will be carnage here.

The corkscrew

Also- the dh shoots through that big steel pipe you can see in the shot.

logs and BIG berms

a bunch of little log steps spaced a pretty good distance apart to mess your shit up.

And this is particularly awesome- a big implanted rock garden. there is a clean line or two in there but they are spaced real awkwardly which should make for good passing chances.

rocks- just like in real mountain biking!

And then you’ve got the big final straight. the DH hips into the final jump from that log boxed jump in the shot which will be either really lippy and high if they fix it or will send some people flying into the barrier gates. either way- looks good!

i would not jump this stuff.

And just to give you an idea of what it’s like to drive across the US, here is a little picture story:

“Hey, what durr time eeis it?”

eagle o'clock

“Reckon it’s time your object-woman put on this here symbol of pride and ignurunce…”

stars and bars. boobs and anus.

“… checked her titties in the mirror…”

the souff will rise again?

“…and bite into a milky way in honor of our lord and savior, dale earnbars.”

let it fucking go.

“yeeup. i reckon that answers my query.”

go banana.

I just quit my dead end job in order to grab a couple bags and head off on a cross country drive for the third year in a row to Quebec, Canada in order to do media coverage of the UCI World Cup races taking place there this summer. I had to think over my choice for a week at my boss’s request and I feel pretty good about my conclusion. I quit my secure job with a steady paycheck in order to head back off into the black abyss of mountain bike media, a land devoid of reliable income, health insurance, security, and regular hours. Why? And why am I telling you to do the same thing…

1- Your paycheck is small and weak. Then fuck it. If you’re going to be poor, you might as well be poor and doing something fun. If you open your paycheck every other week knowing full well that it’s barely going to make ends meet for just long enough to see the next paycheck then your job sucks and you should quit.

2- You have stopped doing anything outside of work. You should never stop learning and progressing as a person. Settling for the mediocre and becoming stagnant is one of the things that will turn you into a fat, lazy, stereotype of an American. Don’t let it happen. Don’t let 9-5 drain you so bad that you are worthless for the other 16 hours of the day.

3- Someone asks you “What kind of world do we live in where a man can’t find a pastel cover for his book?”. Run. Fucking run.

4- Everyone you work with is jaded and older than you. They have settled and they know it and it’s all you have to look forward to if you dont get out while you can.

5- You make excuses for your current job. Don’t justify your current shit job by saying “It’s really not so bad” because it really is. Your job is not Ike Turner. He doesn’t hit you because he loves you. No job is perfect but I would rather be complaining about long hikes in the mountains shooting video/photos of mountain bike racing than sitting under shitty fluorescent light complaining about paper jams and idiot customers. Compare your possible complaints with the ones your shit job piles on you and think it over.

6- Wouldn’t you rather be roosting the pee pee out of some berm?

Sol Vista berms are fun.

7- Paper cuts at the office or scrapped up elbows on the trails?

Sol Vista berms are waaaay fun.

Big thanks to Steve and Moga and Andy at Sol Vista for the photo op and for being a part of making that place an awesome venue for fun times and a reminder that we all need to do something that we love and not something that we can tolerate.

When are you quitting your job?

I just spent over a few too many hours in a car but luckily with xm radio and the whole time the comedy channels were playing. I really enjoy stand-up but I’ve never had that much of it in one condensed serving. The advantage of this was seeing trends show up along the way that I have never noticed otherwise. Here’s some stuff I’ve noticed.

-    If we ever make gay marriage in this country legal, 40% of stand up comedy will immediately be made obsolete.
-    At least a third of all comedians do not acknowledge the difference between telling a joke and yelling a joke.
-    Blow jobs are apparently funny to people.
-    Similarly, women are objects, clearly. And nothing more.
-    Men do things differently than women do things.
-    The airline industry is a renewable and inexhaustible resource for stand up comedy.
-    Regular old fashion man-woman marriage will never be unfunny either.
-    Racism is a-ok, as long as it’s on a stage and yelled into a microphone at a white audience.
-    George W Bush was a bad president.
-    Blue Collar Comedy is not comedy so much as it is setting human social progress back 120 years.
-    Carlos Mencia steals even more jokes than I realized. And yells them.
-    Playing a guitar and singing for delivery will make a mediocre joke still unfunny but will make it sound like regular music radio.
-    No matter how stupid a joke is, some dumb people will laugh at it. Maybe they do not get it and laugh to feel comfortable in their environment of dumb peers.
-    Bad comedians rely on swearing to make their bad jokes seem less bad.
-    I already miss George Carlin.

And that’s today’s inventory for things I’ve learned from comedy.

check back soon for reasons you should quit your job and go to mountain bike races.

It’s Silky Johnson but there’s a lot of moon powder out there right now. some rain would do sol vista good but then again plowing into berms of ka-poosh is pretty damn fun. it’s a fun trail.

if you’re in or planing to visit colorado- make sure you ride sol vista this summer. the trails are the best in the state- built and maintained by professional racers. above all else, the place is fun.

here’s a video stolen from litter of the new trail. once it’s all ridden in, it will be a blast. it is now anyways.