The New Boredom

Mah and Newer. Manure.

Archive for January 2010

Kids love dinosaurs.

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I loved dinosaurs when I was a kid, and I mean, who didn’t?

It was fascinating to me that the Brontosaurus was so big that it had two brains. One in the head and another was located in the butt. This was because it would take too long to send nerve signals to the hind part of its body from the head.

When I was 6 or 7 though I called that secondary butt-brain the “brainus” and thought it was really funny but I never told anyone about it because I felt like adults would judge me for that since it seemed kind of inappropriate somehow.

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I also thought that you spelled dandelion “dandy-lion” when I was young but at the time I had no idea that a dandy was sort of like an 19th century metrosexual guy. I just thought it meant “swell” or “hey neato!”… now this dandy-lion seems way funnier to me.

Written by photokevo

January 31, 2010 at 4:25 am

Posted in General Vagaries

Tagged with ,

The good news is…

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I don’t have cervical cancer! Hey, that’s swell.

When I went to a new doctor today (the first time I’ve been to a regular doctor since it was to see a pediatrician), I was handed a bunch of pamphlets on general health issues. It seemed like one of each that they had. I flipped through them and read a few as I was waiting to be seen by the doc. I was handed an interesting one called “The Pap Smear: And My Cervix” and I read it and reaffirmed my suspicion that I don’t really need one of those procedures and that my man-cervix seems to be doing just fine in its non-existence. When the doctor came in to check over me, she explained some stuff about their practice and asked if I had any questions. “Why yes I do. Am I correct in my assumption that My Cervix is probably doing alright?,” I asked as I held up that pamphlet. Her face flushed red and said, “Yeah, you’re probably doing alright there, did they give you that in the waiting room?” … “Yeah”… “Well. Hmmm. I read that you’re coughing a lot?”

And so went the rest of the exam. And then later x-rays of my chest would show that I do not have pneumonia or a cervix. So that’s good news- neither of those things that should not be present in my body showed up on my death-scan-pictures. I’ll live to die from some other ailment I suppose!

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Sometimes I miss Space Ghost CTC but I think if I watched them again now, I’d still just be sitting there thinking, “I’m never going to get high enough to understand this humor.”

And that’s probably a good thing for me.

Written by photokevo

January 26, 2010 at 6:20 am

I’d Buy That

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You ever say something that sounds like a great product that really ought to exist but somehow, it doesn’t yet in this glorious world? And then you say, “I’d buy that!” Of course you do. We all do, right? This happened to me the other day when we drove by an Old Navy and I just mockingly said, ” Old-Navy-Fuck-Yeah-Fleece on sale!,” followed immediately by, “Dang. I would actually shop at Old Navy if they advertised like that.”

It made me realize just how susceptible I am to that advertising machine. I guess I’m okay with it though.

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It would be great if they were throwing up the pasta, not eating it realy fast.

Written by photokevo

January 25, 2010 at 6:50 am

Been sick.

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I’ve been sick for weeks. No blogging going on. But things have happened since the last post. I went to Mexico for a vacation where I was sick the entire time (and am still sick from the sweet sweet gutter water that I drank whilst abroad). I got this wicked case of ponelial tendinitis late last year and have since changed my daily walk to be way slower and smooth. I figure this will make me seem like more of a pimp. Other things too but that’s for later.

Here are videos worth watching:

Werner Hrzog (but not really) reads Curious George.

A Banksy movie.

Northern lights timelapse, dang.

Okay, maybe more regular blogging soon.

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Stressed much?

Written by photokevo

January 23, 2010 at 7:03 pm

Posted in General Vagaries, Media

Cat Jokes.

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So the other night I’m making dinner and re-heating some beef. When I took it out of the fridge it looked grey and I thought, “Hmmm, I sure don’t like the rickets, but I’m also trying not to waste so much leftovers.” And as the beef is turning in the microwave, my roommate’s cat walks up and looks up at me like I’m supposed to give it some of this possibly rotten food.

I say to the cat, “Yo cat, you probably don’t want any of that food. It doesn’t look good anymore.”

And the cat replies, “How do you know I don’t still want some of it?”

Shocked, I exclaim, “Wowie! You’re a talking cat!”

And the cat just coldly turns and walks away like cats tend to do.

And I conclude, “Oh, my mistake. You’re just a rude cat.”

Turns out the beef was no good anyways.

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It’s his nature. That is why, you dumb joker.

Also, though this picture is hilarious, the joker’s knife appears comically rubber and bendy. I wonder if it would really cut a monkey neck?

Written by photokevo

January 8, 2010 at 12:01 am

Posted in Nerd Out With Me

Since When?

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No scientist knows what this means: in the year 2009, The New Boredom recieved over 26,000 unique visits.

However, every scientist holds the following to be fact:

-I do not know that many people well enough to have them read the stupid junk I write seemingly every day.

-I have not met that many cumulative people in my 24 some odd years of life, nor have I observed that many people in existence either through television or pictures of big cities.

-I have never worked for the Shinehart Family Toddler Coffin Co. as an internal sales rep for the finest toddler sized coffins since 1978 as some social networks would have you believe.

-I never finished a single coloring book in my life and this does not make me unique in any way.

-Babies poop a lot.

-Up! is the only Disney movie that has ever made me cry (at 23 years of age, yeah, so? What of it? I also wept at the fucking sunrise yesterday. This birth control is really hormone-y).

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Sergio Layos has unbelievable tables like I have unbelievable gas after eating Taco Bell.

Which is to say all the time.

Written by photokevo

January 7, 2010 at 12:01 am

Posted in General Vagaries

What a rip off.

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I went to this big, rich pants high school. The place has this huge lineage of successful business people and entrepreneurs and athletes and blah and blah blah blah. But they didn’t bring any of those hot shots back for my graduation ceremony to give us all an uplifting speech and prep us to go get the world! Nah. They just had the class valedictorian get up in front of everyone and talk about how hard it was for her to get a 5.0 “weighted” GPA and how tough the competition was for her to beat out the other bunch of assholes that got a 5.0 but somehow fell short in the tie breakers like how many days you were absent or how many canceraids they had. Hey great! I couldn’t relate to you for four years during school and I sure can’t now (except on the canceraids, obviously). Maybe anything else would have been better.

Take for example this awesome graduation speech by excellent comedian Eugene Mirman who went back to his old high school where they placed him in the special ed department.

At least he dished out some truthy nuggets like this one which would have served all us well: “And lastly, things can kill you so keep that in mind you fearless know-it-alls.”

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Hey, guess what? You don’t matter.

And neither do I. Isn’t that cool?

And doesn’t that picture blow your mind!? Millions of stars. And that’s just some blank looking piece of the night sky. ZOWEEE!

Written by photokevo

January 6, 2010 at 3:20 am

Posted in I Hate You