The New Boredom

Mah and Newer. Manure.

Why Antichrist was crazy good.

with 2 comments

I could talk all day about the movie, let me tell you. But I won’t. That’s a 7,000 word essay for another day. I’m here to reminisce about why the movie going experience was so damn awesome for me.

The film was screening at IFS which means it’s going to be watched by a crowd of film students and film nerds, some of which are probably there for class credit. And I’m in the restroom before the movie starts when this crooked faced film student guy that, quite frankly, gives everyone the willies, stops to talk to me on his way out of the bathroom. The problem is that I’m still using the facilities, which is to say I was mid-piss. The conversation goes as follows (his lines are in italics):

-Hey man. You looking forward to this movie?

-Uh. Yeah. Sure am.

-I hear it’s intense.

-Yeah. I’ve uh, heard that too.

-Man. I just hope my girlfriend has sex with me after this. Like, at all.

-Okay. I hope so too? Good luck.

-Thanks man. Well, see you in there.

Now that wouldn’t be so weird I guess if he were just a normal guy. But he’s not. And by that I mean that he kept glancing down towards my junk while I’m trying to take a piss in peace. So that set the mood for the whole first part of the show, haunted by this general weirdness that I had somehow just been molested.

Then most of the movie goes pretty smoothly for me. Much of the audience is getting pretty grossed out by what’s happening on screen by about 2/3 of the way through the movie. I can’t blame them at all. Like the crooked weirdo prophesied, the movie was pretty intense. Then we get to the, how do I put this nicely… climax of the movie, the scene involving the much written about slow motion cliterectomy, and about 10-15 seconds later the kid behind me lets loose a thunderous kick to the back of my chair. Two things happened simultaneously at this moment: one, I shit my pants because it scared the hell out of me aided by the terrifying stuff on screen and two, I was sent into a slight bit of rage that some kid just took me out of the moment where I was really enjoying what the movie was building up to. I looked back to see what the fucking problem was and was greeted with the sight of a guy I recognized, his body stiff from head to toe, his foot shaking next to my arm rest, his eyes rolled back into his head, and maybe some puke down his shirt- I couldn’t really see all that well. The rage passed and I wasn’t sure if he had just passed out or was having a seizure or what. I sort of panicked and didn’t know if I should run for help but right as I was pondering that he seemed to come to and slowly and mechanically stumbled out the doors down his row. I spent the rest of the movie trying my damnedest to suppress my hysterical laughter and not ruin the film for any more people.

Say what you will about Von Trier, no other filmmaker is really making movies that make viewers pass the hell out… or issue pre-screening molestation in the restroom.




Written by photokevo

February 8, 2010 at 4:22 am

Posted in Nerd Out With Me

2 Responses

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  1. Cocksniped.


    February 9, 2010 at 4:38 pm

  2. All I could think of was the scene in Ace Ventura where Jim Carey is staring at the guys junk while he was peeing, but only to see if the guy’s ring was missing a stone. Maybe something flashy (other than your junk obv) caught his eye? OR maybe you just had shaved a unique pattern in your ‘man patch’ and he was looking for inspiration. Either way….still weird, but glad he got his comeuppance for breaking about a million bathroom etiquette rules.


    February 12, 2010 at 1:23 pm

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