The New Boredom

Mah and Newer. Manure.

The Best Double Date Ever!

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This week in Signs I’m Getting Older: I was an observer of the best double date ever.

It’s Christmas eve and it’s kind of later in the evening which means there is basically one place open at which I’m willing to eat. And while I’m there enjoying the best falafal in the greater metro area, there’s these two Asian dudes sitting at another table talking to each other and eating with kinda shitty manners while repeatedly checking their phones and texting. Towards the end of their meal, two Asian girls walk into the place carrying Starbucks cups, sit down, order two cups of water, and proceed to tell the needlessly loud stories of all 7 times they’ve been high in their life.

I make special note that they were Asian, not because they were clearly really good at math and spelling bee competitions, but because I just wonder if there is some kind of cultural thing that maybe I don’t get- like the following actions are just acceptable in Asia these days? All of them have smart-phones with the ringers cranked up. And they are apparently the most popular people since Kanye. One girl takes a break from explaining how she got impossibly high on brownies the 4th time she tried pot to take a phone call, probably from her agent, for the next several minutes. One guy is checking his email. The other girl is sending text messages while feigning interest in the guy’s story about what he does for work (no joke, it has to do with computers!). This cacophony of ringtones, button clicks, and jabber goes on for an intense 10 minutes and then they all get up and leave. The girls left their Starbucks cups on the table as a nice little fuck you to the restaurant.

And I think to myself, what a fucking awesome double date! There was not more than 10-15 seconds at a time between one of them doing some kind of lousy dicking around with their phone over this meal and real life 3-D human interaction.

On my way through the parking lot, they are all still out there grouped up around the front of a car, 3 of them with phones out clicking away, while two of them talked about what movies will be good to see over the top of a phone. They probably went to the movies and texted their way through Meet the Tired Shitty Franchises.

I had a 40 minute drive home to reflect on how I felt old as dirt at how I thought that was the most useless, rude, and depressing date interaction possible.
And then I had a total fucking Andy Rooney moment where I literally concluded: with the manners these gadgets encourage, they ought to be called Stupid-Phones!

And then I felt, not only old, but not-funny.


Getting back through Parks and Rec with my lady in eager anticipation of when it returns to the air… why the shit do people like that xenophobic garbage Outsourced show anyways? There’s more funny in Duke Silver’s hat than that whole show.



Written by photokevo

January 7, 2011 at 6:13 am

Posted in Story Time

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