Story Time: In Which I Buy Trash Bags

I’m walking around Target at 9:15 tonight to buy trash bags because there aren’t any left in the house (but, oddly, the fucking empty box from the last batch of trash bags is still sitting in the cabinet under the sink). They just redesigned the layout in the store because they wanted to add more fresh groceries so I’m confused as hell as to where the damn trash bags might be. As I’m narrowing down my search and standing at the end of an isle wondering where else they might be, some damn Asian kid test riding a bike in the store comes around the corner and plows into me. He falls over and starts crying and his parents run around the corner and find him on the ground bawling and me standing there looking all pissed off. They don’t seem to know who to be mad at because I do look like the kind of asshole that might just knock a 6 year old off their bike for fun. Something between 5 seconds and 5 minutes passes, I’m not sure as the whole scene was so awkward that I lost all sense of time. A handful of other customers are now gathered around the scene. I decide to get back to finding trash bags and say, “Nice parenting” and walk away.

Turns out they moved the trash bags over by the tupperware and plastic forks.

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First he bent your forks and spoons, then he bent your minds. Now Uri will bend your ass if you don’t obey.